guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
