Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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