Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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