They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
