I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
