and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
