I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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