Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I need moral support for this bender
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
