Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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