I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
