my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
