Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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