mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
