Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
