But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
