3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
