so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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