turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
