I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Then you guys just all showered together...?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
