you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
