I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
