If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
