wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
