wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
