Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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