she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
