What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
