I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
