it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
last night I used snow as a chaser
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i out mim tonsoeep
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