I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
