my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
