Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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