3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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