My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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