apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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