He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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