Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you

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(301): View more from Maryland

people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.

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(847): View more from Illinois

So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?

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(760): View more from California

If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.

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(518): View more from New York

He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"

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(815): View more from Illinois

So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

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(514): View more from Quebec

he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets

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(214): View more from Texas

Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.

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