I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
