I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
