This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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