just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
PANTIES FOUND
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