There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
