the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
