I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
