he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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