Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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