There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
