this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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