that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
