We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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