The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
