Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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